Smiling happy people...

This is just for you Estevan.

Ah! But there isn't much to say right now. I've been kind of down lately, it got better after I cleared things up with Tanner and then talked to Gian and got a whole lot of weight off and some closure. Finally - jees.

I'm really excited about prom now. I'm going with Zac and it should be a lot of fun. I haven't decided what I'm doing after prom yet but probably going over to one of my good friend's houses for an after-party. Zac said he was down with whatever.

This weekend some friends are in town who are working at the Texas Motor Speedway. Hopefully I have time to hang out with them 'cause that would be great. All of this just reminds me how much I'm looking forward to moving down to Austin in the Fall. I'm leaving to move down there at the very beginning of August. Not to rush it or anything, but I'd be fine to move down there now and just not have to deal with all of this last bit of high school stuff.

I was told today I have to sit a Saturday school in order to graduate. Apparently I've had so many absences and tardies that I'm taking Saturday school for credit. I guess I'll do that this Saturday since the all-staff Chilis meeting was moved to next weekend. Ugh. That means I only have four hours of free time before I go to work at 4:00 on Saturday, and then I work until closing. Yuk.

4 months until I leave for college. Yeeeessss. The problem I'm facing now is the guy situation. I want to date and stuff but I hope the guys around here realize that nothing will probably come of it - no long-term relationships. Unless of course you are moving down to Austin too, but even then. I'm enjoying being single right now. Sure it would be great to have someone to hold me when all I want to do is cry, or to talk to about everything going on, or to just always have someone to hang out with, but the independance is kind of fun too. Plus... though I'm totally over GD I'm not looking to jump into any serious relationships right now. Thats been the problem for the last few months. Until I expect something big to come out of a dating situation, I don't think its going to change. I have a faltered mindset, if that makes any sense.

Friday night I have off from work. As soon as school gets out I'm going to go work out then to the barbeque with my friends (I have to get some stuff for that!) then, well I guess I have a date. : ) Haha - after all this talk. I need to find some time to hang out with Grant too since he'll be in town. He might not have much time what with work though, so we'll see... hm.

Talked to Becca today. We had a lot to catch up on and I didn't even give her the details but it took forever just to give the brief overview of each others lives in the last couple weeks. We've drifted a lot. We're such different people than we were a year ago, or even a couple of months ago. Or maybe just I'm different. Beck and I will have to hang out soon.

I also want to go up to Illinois to visit my family and down to San Antonio this summer to visit Zac at camp. I wouldn't mind going back to visit AZ once more too, and I still need to roadtrip to LA with Tiffy.

There's too much to do!

i can see the sun shining in your eyes

mmmm - great day so far.

i went to bed late and woke up early to go running. aw, and it was so nice. when i stepped outside the air was perfect and the breeze was light through my hair and even better across my skin as i started running. i was out early enough that i watched the sun rise through the trees and reflect sunbeams across the leaves. there is something about running in the early morning that you notice things you wouldn't have otherwise... like the shadows across the lawns as i ran by, or the early morning birds awake and chirping in their high perches.

i didn't run far because i had to get home and take a quick shower and get ready to go. my mom and i drove out to dallas to go shopping for my prom dress and i found one! its gorgeous - slim fitting in the waist, low in the back, and lavender with some intricate beadwork. i'm actually starting to get excited about prom now. i have an awesome date and a pretty dress, so at least i'll feel good while i'm there. should be fun.

now i'm going to go get something to eat - make myself a sandwhich or something and then get ready for work. should be allright tonight. i'm closing TOGO for the evening so my tips should be really nice... soooo... thats about it for now.

hope everybody's day is going as well as mine.

a little bit of up

so... i've got a prom date, going shopping for a dress on saturday, going to suck it up and try and have fun at prom even though i sit in the front and everyone will be staring. embarassing. i don't like being stared at. better look good.

work is cool. pretty much all i'm doing now besides school. tired of a lot of people at school. i don't know if they realize how easy they are to make fun of. is it bad if i sit in class listening to people and think about how idiotic everything they say is? i just don't understand how everybody isn't as ready as i am to leave... but... thats probably why i'm ready to leave. UT baby! i'm so excited for next year.

"looks like you've got a case of the mondays"

what the hell? honestly.

i think everyone has gone mad. probably even me. the last couple of days have been insane. i worked a double on saturday and sunday. friday night i went on a date with that guy from work. saturday night i went to a party and was five hours late getting home. yeesssssss. somehow i didn't get in trouble with the parents. another example of how age gets you anything you want: "well lindsey, you are 18. its your life now." like it hasn't been my life the whole time? in the last two months i'm suddenly my own person and the 18 years before that are a bunch of nothing. wow.

i still haven't talked to one previously significant person in my life. i only mention this because someone mentioned him today and i thought, "oh yea... hm." and that was about all there was to that. i'm pretty sure he's lost me for good. we'll see how my fickle brain works though. oh... wait. there are two previously significant "hims" i have not talked to. funny how that works - everyone screwing me over at once. if anyone else wants to jump on that bandwagon you have about four more months. the guy from work i've pretty much decided i don't like as anything more than a friend. i guess i have to tell him that somehow. tricky...

i'm going soon to pay off my speeding ticket from last may. long story but i never had a warrant put out for me, which is good i suppose. then i'm e-mailing my admissions counselot at UT, calling Lisa to set up a haircut appointment, and then picking my brother up from school. then i'm running to the pointe to work out, running to bear creek park to play volleyball, and then either coming home to eat dinner and chill with my mom or i'll suck it up and go to student council for once. probably not though. i really don't enjoy student council, i haven't for a while, and it seems to bring out the worst in me... so... i don't think i'll go. nope. and i won't go next monday either. my manager is taking the entire TOGO team from chili's out for pizza and bowling. i guess we're supposed to be bonding in some way we don't get to in the four hours we see each other every time we work. but whatever.

i really am sick of all this stuff about prom. first my best friend tells me he didn't want to go anymore and then i turn into the complaint office for disgruntled prom attendees. no more, please. i don't even have a date yet. yet? if i go i'll go alone. my mom is so excited about it, i don't know if i have the heart to tell her to just forget it. she wants to go prom-dress shopping this next saturday. mmmm... at least getting dressed up will be fun.

ah. i know all this sounds as though i'm complaining. i am. i'm not depressed though, just a little disgruntled and dissapointed with how the last couple months of my senior year are turning out. i'm dissapointed in the human race in general. people are not what i thought they were. i expect so much more from people than broken promises, selfish encounters, and a long stream of rude words. that is all i'm getting though. joy.

but besides everything i've talked about here... life is good.

I'm sick of prom already, and it hasn't even occurred yet.

Life is fun. Random. Spontaneous.

I've been working a lot of course, but I really enjoy working. I don't know if it is the idea of so much money coming to me, or if I just like to be busy, but either way I'm enjoying myself.

Especially now. I went on a maybe-date the other night. This guy I work with. So... this is big. First time I've really been attracted to someone nearby and I didn't flake out... not first time ever. Just first time in a while. Its not pathetic, it is just me wanting things I can't have. This is me growing up, wanting things in my reach that require a little bit of work.

I'm not making any sense.

This guy I work with is really nice. He is easy to talk to, funny, cute... I'm happy. Hopefully he'll ask me out again, if it was even a date at all. Hah. I HOPE it was 'cause I like him.

Anyways. I need to talk about something other than boys. My homework maybe? I'm not going to do it tonight. I'm going to go to bed RIGHT NOW.

when nobody can see what I mean, but everyone feels it

i could write a thousand songs and not one be right,
they've all been written after the fact
and you're too late to hear it

i could write a thousand words,
hurl them to the wind and watch their edges curl,
and you still wouldn't understand what i meant

you're too far gone and i've been dawdling aimlessly,
catching words and phrases, songs and tunes,
scribbled on old torn up notebook pages...
waiting for my life to begin,
when unbenownst to me this was all i had
and you're the only one to hear it